One of the more harder issues I encounter is a desire to conform and be accepted to the world. When your on the edge of the 'normal' world, its hard to not want to be 'in.' To desire for a moment where you're not worrying if you might have offended somebody, or wanting to be the popular one that everyone grins and hangs out with. To be simply normal and not raise eyebrows amongst the other cool people who are perfectly normal. No weirdness, no abnormal hobbies. Its hard, even now I feel it creeping around in the back of my head. I can't stand watching sports games/tv like "other normal" guys. I enjoy cooking..what other normal guy does? I'm not a football player or slightly masochistic and handsome like every other 'normal' guy. And the worst part is...often its a matter of simple anti-self perception. I may perceive that I'm unaccepted when in actuality I'm fine.
But conformity is boring. I find the times when I'm among a group, and I conform to their normal'ness and "blend" in, it leaves me afterwards feeling empty and shallow. I wasn't really myself, wasn't really shining in all the glory that God made me in. Kind of takes away from God's handiwork in a way when we are not ourselves and truly sincere.
We're all so beautifully unique, and there's so many of us!!! Its crazy to even comprehend how many unique snowflakes there are on this planet that are completely different and never the same in thought, speech and attitude and life! And if we're desiring to hide that? What's that saying to God? God designed me; I can like myself, and I shouldn't attempt to conform to a normal pattern of people's perceptions. It takes away from His design if I attempt to not be myself and instead try to be somebody else. I enjoy poetry, and God's given me a mind to grasp at it...should I stop writing because maybe some people perceive my poetry as too fanciful or 'girly'? Should I be the perception of the world? Makes me think of the song 'Somebody Else's Song' by LifeHouse.
I believe the answer is no; yes I'll never quite be acceptable to some people. A lot of people won't understand me, a lot may laugh and make fun of my taste and odd thoughts. Maybe I don't do everything normal adult males are 'suppose' to do. But I'm content being me, because I know God saw something in my design, and He put a little bit of Himself in me, and now I'm walking around in this world; a little piece of the brightness that every single wonderful person contributes in the world. I wish more people could see this; even the normal people aren't so normal; they all have a bit of uniqueness and to deny it and be a 'standard conformity' in the world is to dim the light.
We are 'fearfully and wonderfully made'. I think I admire my Father the most for summing up His own identity when Moses asked Him who He was? "I AM WHO I AM." God didn't say "hmm well, I'm a little like Baal, only less angry all the time. And I'm something like Asherah, but don't have anything to do with the pole worship." No, instead he firmly established his identity and went forth with it into a world in Egypt where the Pharaoh scoffed at God. I AM WHO I AM; all my strangeness, my uniqueness, the things about me you can't understand, or think funny; I AM WHO I AM.
I wish I could get to that point someday and say it with supreme confidence and zero hesitation that 'I am who I am', which is something awesome, and I don't need to second guess.
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