Today I realized, that I only have one more semester of school to do, before I begin real, real adult life, and have to start paying off student loans, and finding an apartment, and finding a big-boy job, and deciding where I want to live (which will be where I can find work likely), and how to manage all the other commitments in my life. I guess it seems to be creeping up on me rather fast. I'm not sure I like it. But at the same time, I really am excited.
In the Spring I'll have a Mass Com Certificate and my associates. Not exactly glamorous perhaps for the 6 years I've spent in college, but its a huge step me. And I've finally found a field that I enjoy an endless amount of possibilities as career opportunities and artistic opportunities. I'd like to go back eventually and get that dang B.A but for now, this works, and I'm very excited to keep practicing film.
I'm pretty thankful right now for a part-time job too, however boring it is, because it helps me see the most beautiful and wonderful person in the world every few weeks: my sweetheart.
She's the kindest, most understanding person I know, and extremely pretty (has these adorable ears that turn red when she blushes) and is one of the brightest and most fun girl I know. I'm quite happily in love with her (and lucky me she loves me too), and quite thankful that I have such a person in my life right now.
I'm also thankful for my best friend bro. Without his patience, and continued companionship, my life would be utterly boring.
I'm thankful for my family and siblings, even though they can be a pain, I love them all. All 9 of them.
I'm working on a documentary right now, about World War 2 Vets, but focused on men who are non-combatants and served during the war in a function that didnt involve using guns persay. I'm thinking about calling it "Not A Soldier", because both of the men I interviewed seemed to think they were not soldiers since they didnt carry a gun, even though they were enlisted. I think that's ridiculous, because they certainly were soldiers, and played very important and interesting roles in the war. I'm excited to see how this turns out.
Friday, October 26, 2012
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
All Shall fade...
I've been thinking about that all conquering thing we call "time". How it changes everything and everyone we know. Sometimes that change is disappointing.
I'm going to whine and complain here a moment (and I'm by no means perfect at this friend business), but what I don't like about time is how it changes friends. Some friends you make don't ever stick around long enough. Its like you have them for a season, but then things happen, life gets in the way, and the friendship slowly crumbles, and I'm not used to that. I like to make friends for life, its hard for me (being an introvert) to make friends to begin with, so I like to hang on to my friends. But what do you do when your friends stop being friends with you? Even when you try to 'keep' things going?
The good news is that there is someone who will always be a friend to you; Jesus Christ. He's always got your back (even when it seems like He's disappeared), and he never grows weary of being your friend. The other lesser good news is that there are a lot of people in the world, and even though some of our friends may slip away in life, there are new ones just around the corner.
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Thought for food.
I recently have been pondering the nature of love, and I came to a conclusion that I don't think readily comes to mind sometimes, especially when we're "having a bad day".
Loving someone is a full-time job; its not a perk or side-benefit. Its hard work too; you have to sacrifice something on your part to make it happen and to make it work. Often, I think when one is in that initial stage of a relationship, this kind of thing is farthest from mind, because its NOT hard at all!
That first "puppy-dog" stage. You both want to be together, you want to talk constantly, and learn about each other. Sacrificing time or whatever isn't too terribly hard, in fact its pretty darn easy. And its great, you're in the best spirits you can be.
But then father time spins the clock; suddenly its several months or a couple years later. And it is here that if both parties don't recognize what true sacrifice is, I doubt the relationship will be in good condition, if it lasts.
At this point in time, a couple will start to feel the pressures of life flowing again, which is fine and normal. There is, after all, another world that the two of you live on. Daily commitments will return to normal. Some things you want to do become important (we all have more than 1 dream). In short a situation arises where either the couple will mistake the cooling "puppy-dog" stage as a sign that they don't "love" each other anymore, or find that they are not up to this real kind of "sacrificing myself" sort of thing and call it quits.
Or they will see that their love (if truly grounded) has not departed them, and instead they will begin another level of love, a sacrificing love. Those moments when you are tired from a long day of work, and want nothing better to sit and relax, but instead make time to call and talk to the special someone. That time when you're so busy with everything else, but you drop something for a bit (even though it will cost you somewhere else) and take time to make something, or do something thoughtful. These kind of sacrifices, the supporting of each other, sacrificing yourself for the other, gives rise to the next level of love! Its a deeper type of love, and it doesn't mean that silly "puppy" love is gone forever, in fact both compliment each other and remain together.
Loving someone is an awfully big adventure.
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Updates
August 2nd marked a highlight for me. After 8 weeks of an intensive advanced Motion Picture class, our film shorts showed that night. All the sleepless nights, and missing meals, and agonizing over details finally paid off.
We showed ours with 7 other films that night. They were all great, but I loved how well ours turned out. Seeing it in HD (the first time the RVC hosted in HD on a giant projector) and then having the audience of maybe 60-70 people around watching too, it was marvelous. There is one scene in the movie, as a character walks down a flight of stairs that I just get chills. It was really awesome to see our film that Jake Perry, Aaron Markey, Josh White and me all worked on and slaved over and turned into something great. Our professor said it was beautiful; some alumni told us afterwards that they thought we should enter it into a film festival! How awesome is that? We are going to enter it in, after cleaning some stuff up in the next few months.
I'm really grateful for these friends I've found through this class. Most of them are all very hardworking individuals, and we all love video games and geek out over computer hardware and camera stuff. Its a group of people I'm going to try and stay in touch with and work with in the future; I'm going to miss this program once I'm finished with RVC in the spring. I've had the best teachers to date, and the best classroom group experience to date with this bunch of people.
Another highlight of thursday was that a certain cute blonde-headed brown eyed girl came to see me. She skipped her important grad class just to drive 2 hours after she got off working a 6 or 8 hour day to come and surprise me at the screening and watch it with me. What a woman; an amazing precious woman. A real gem, and example of what other men should look for in a woman, because she is simply awesome. The sweetest, kindest, ornery, beautiful, caring, friendly girl who loves Jesus. I am blessed, and don't feel particularly worthy of her, but I'm thankful that she's in my life.
We showed ours with 7 other films that night. They were all great, but I loved how well ours turned out. Seeing it in HD (the first time the RVC hosted in HD on a giant projector) and then having the audience of maybe 60-70 people around watching too, it was marvelous. There is one scene in the movie, as a character walks down a flight of stairs that I just get chills. It was really awesome to see our film that Jake Perry, Aaron Markey, Josh White and me all worked on and slaved over and turned into something great. Our professor said it was beautiful; some alumni told us afterwards that they thought we should enter it into a film festival! How awesome is that? We are going to enter it in, after cleaning some stuff up in the next few months.
I'm really grateful for these friends I've found through this class. Most of them are all very hardworking individuals, and we all love video games and geek out over computer hardware and camera stuff. Its a group of people I'm going to try and stay in touch with and work with in the future; I'm going to miss this program once I'm finished with RVC in the spring. I've had the best teachers to date, and the best classroom group experience to date with this bunch of people.
Another highlight of thursday was that a certain cute blonde-headed brown eyed girl came to see me. She skipped her important grad class just to drive 2 hours after she got off working a 6 or 8 hour day to come and surprise me at the screening and watch it with me. What a woman; an amazing precious woman. A real gem, and example of what other men should look for in a woman, because she is simply awesome. The sweetest, kindest, ornery, beautiful, caring, friendly girl who loves Jesus. I am blessed, and don't feel particularly worthy of her, but I'm thankful that she's in my life.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Things that piss me off...
I compiled a list of things that tick me off in most cases. Some may be silly, some serious:
1. People telling me or starting out a political discussion with "I'm Republican/Democrat..." To me that just translates to "I'm an ignorant douchebag."
2. People who can't ever stop to listen, and particularly when listening is vital. Or just being quiet. I think after being in choirs for 5 years, I've developed the same sense of anal sensitivity to when a cellphone goes off in a concert, or someone's whispering disrupts a pianissimo. Its a nearly unforgivable moment, and I have no pity for the offender, even if first time offense. Not only are you destroying a moment that took hours of practice and hard work, you've destroyed an atmosphere and work of art that is hard to restore, and often times will not ever quite sound the same.
3. Poetry with swearing in it. It doesn't make sense and pisses me off. Its not poetry.
4. Movie reboots and sequels that are uncalled for. Pirates of the Caribbean did not need a sequel. A possible reboot of Batman is stupid. Profit ruins many a good thing.
5. Pictures with obvious flash. I love natural lighting. And those annoying flash photographs are a nightmare.
6. Opportunities that walk by without being grabbed either by myself or another person.
7. Internet trolls. Yes I can be one too...have been one at some time as well. And there is nothing quite like trolling a troll.
8. People who throw a huge gruff about something that does not matter. During our film class shoot, a older teacher kept walking by and glaring at us and throwing a big show of being annoyed in general with us. We had permission to be there, our instructor was there as well. There was no reason for it, and it only threw us on edge.
9. Disorganization. This is a new one for me. I generally operate in a disorganized way. However if it is important enough and if it is something I want to accomplish, I grow increasingly frustrated if it lacks organization.
10. Hot sticky days and cold freezing days. Give me somewhere in between.
1. People telling me or starting out a political discussion with "I'm Republican/Democrat..." To me that just translates to "I'm an ignorant douchebag."
2. People who can't ever stop to listen, and particularly when listening is vital. Or just being quiet. I think after being in choirs for 5 years, I've developed the same sense of anal sensitivity to when a cellphone goes off in a concert, or someone's whispering disrupts a pianissimo. Its a nearly unforgivable moment, and I have no pity for the offender, even if first time offense. Not only are you destroying a moment that took hours of practice and hard work, you've destroyed an atmosphere and work of art that is hard to restore, and often times will not ever quite sound the same.
3. Poetry with swearing in it. It doesn't make sense and pisses me off. Its not poetry.
4. Movie reboots and sequels that are uncalled for. Pirates of the Caribbean did not need a sequel. A possible reboot of Batman is stupid. Profit ruins many a good thing.
5. Pictures with obvious flash. I love natural lighting. And those annoying flash photographs are a nightmare.
6. Opportunities that walk by without being grabbed either by myself or another person.
7. Internet trolls. Yes I can be one too...have been one at some time as well. And there is nothing quite like trolling a troll.
8. People who throw a huge gruff about something that does not matter. During our film class shoot, a older teacher kept walking by and glaring at us and throwing a big show of being annoyed in general with us. We had permission to be there, our instructor was there as well. There was no reason for it, and it only threw us on edge.
9. Disorganization. This is a new one for me. I generally operate in a disorganized way. However if it is important enough and if it is something I want to accomplish, I grow increasingly frustrated if it lacks organization.
10. Hot sticky days and cold freezing days. Give me somewhere in between.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Moments when time freeze
Every so often we have moments in time where it freezes, and some words that are uttered in that moment are suddenly buried deep into our hearts. Whether a horrible moment of hateful words, or precious words of love, those moments exist.
I had one such moment not long ago. A dream that I've been working hard at for the past 6 months, suddenly I had a 'moment' of frozen time, and beautiful words uttered heartened me that I was heading in the right direction.
It moved me to tears; I was taken back, not really expecting them till much farther down the road. I mean, I kinda figured maybe one day I'd hear them again. I am exceedingly blessed; I may not know entirely whats going to happen in my life or job, but I know I'm in good hands, and learning much.
I've come so far. So very far, that I almost can't see far enough back in the past. And my dreams have changed so much, gotten better. I feel like I've been given better dreams now than ones I thought up in the past, and its a bit overwhelming sometimes to think about.
Needless to say, I'm stressed a bit over uncertainty, annoyed sometimes that I'm not quite independent yet, and wishing I had more money, or that I was done with school and making money with my education.
But in spite of all this, I am happy, very happy indeed. And blessed beyond deserving. I know, a lot of this is vague, but I'd like to leave this behind; sometimes dreams are broken to be replaced with far better dreams.
I had one such moment not long ago. A dream that I've been working hard at for the past 6 months, suddenly I had a 'moment' of frozen time, and beautiful words uttered heartened me that I was heading in the right direction.
It moved me to tears; I was taken back, not really expecting them till much farther down the road. I mean, I kinda figured maybe one day I'd hear them again. I am exceedingly blessed; I may not know entirely whats going to happen in my life or job, but I know I'm in good hands, and learning much.
I've come so far. So very far, that I almost can't see far enough back in the past. And my dreams have changed so much, gotten better. I feel like I've been given better dreams now than ones I thought up in the past, and its a bit overwhelming sometimes to think about.
Needless to say, I'm stressed a bit over uncertainty, annoyed sometimes that I'm not quite independent yet, and wishing I had more money, or that I was done with school and making money with my education.
But in spite of all this, I am happy, very happy indeed. And blessed beyond deserving. I know, a lot of this is vague, but I'd like to leave this behind; sometimes dreams are broken to be replaced with far better dreams.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Thoughts of Friends
Friendships are one of the trickiest things to navigate I'm finding. And I really wish it wasn't so.
Why can't things be simple when you're a grownup? Why can't friendships be childish? I feel like some of my own friends I don't know very well, because I've grown up in a sense, and we're starting to forget.
Drama is one of the most friend-discouraging thing; especially so between a guy and a girl. Yes, I realize, there are rules when you grow up. Suddenly you find yourself a man, and a girl is suddenly a woman; no more room for being a child friend. Innocence can no longer exist; you either become close and find yourself in a wonderful and intimate relationship with them. Or you become the everlastingly bitter 'polite-friend'; who you occasionally talk to, share a rare thought, and easily forget.
Another reason to be jealous of innocent children; they have no clue what they have, and no care either; and a real friendship can actually exist between a boy and a girl without all the stigma and drama of the whole dang "boy-girl" thing.
And this is truly sad, it isn't fair, but life isn't fair, never has been fair. You can't have everything; you never know what you have until its gone.
I'm feeling blue, if you're reading this and can't tell; but that's my thoughts. If you're (by some miracle) a child reading this, hold onto your childhood; and keep a portion of it with you as you grow up.
Why can't things be simple when you're a grownup? Why can't friendships be childish? I feel like some of my own friends I don't know very well, because I've grown up in a sense, and we're starting to forget.
Drama is one of the most friend-discouraging thing; especially so between a guy and a girl. Yes, I realize, there are rules when you grow up. Suddenly you find yourself a man, and a girl is suddenly a woman; no more room for being a child friend. Innocence can no longer exist; you either become close and find yourself in a wonderful and intimate relationship with them. Or you become the everlastingly bitter 'polite-friend'; who you occasionally talk to, share a rare thought, and easily forget.
Another reason to be jealous of innocent children; they have no clue what they have, and no care either; and a real friendship can actually exist between a boy and a girl without all the stigma and drama of the whole dang "boy-girl" thing.
And this is truly sad, it isn't fair, but life isn't fair, never has been fair. You can't have everything; you never know what you have until its gone.
I'm feeling blue, if you're reading this and can't tell; but that's my thoughts. If you're (by some miracle) a child reading this, hold onto your childhood; and keep a portion of it with you as you grow up.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Cool stuff.
-Prov 16:6- "Through love and faithfulness sin is atoned for; through the fear of the Lord a man avoids evil."
Psalm 143
LORD, hear my prayer,
listen to my cry for mercy;
in your faithfulness and righteousness
come to my relief.
2 Do not bring your servant into judgment,
for no one living is righteous before you.
3 The enemy pursues me,
he crushes me to the ground;
he makes me dwell in the darkness
like those long dead.
4 So my spirit grows faint within me;
my heart within me is dismayed.
5 I remember the days of long ago;
I meditate on all your works
and consider what your hands have done.
6 I spread out my hands to you;
I thirst for you like a parched land.
7 Answer me quickly, LORD;
my spirit fails.
Do not hide your face from me
or I will be like those who go down to the pit.
8 Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I entrust my life.
9 Rescue me from my enemies, LORD,
for I hide myself in you.
10 Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God;
may your good Spirit
lead me on level ground.
11 For your name’s sake, LORD, preserve my life;
in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble.
12 In your unfailing love, silence my enemies;
destroy all my foes,
for I am your servant.
Psalm 143
LORD, hear my prayer,
listen to my cry for mercy;
in your faithfulness and righteousness
come to my relief.
2 Do not bring your servant into judgment,
for no one living is righteous before you.
3 The enemy pursues me,
he crushes me to the ground;
he makes me dwell in the darkness
like those long dead.
4 So my spirit grows faint within me;
my heart within me is dismayed.
5 I remember the days of long ago;
I meditate on all your works
and consider what your hands have done.
6 I spread out my hands to you;
I thirst for you like a parched land.
7 Answer me quickly, LORD;
my spirit fails.
Do not hide your face from me
or I will be like those who go down to the pit.
8 Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I entrust my life.
9 Rescue me from my enemies, LORD,
for I hide myself in you.
10 Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God;
may your good Spirit
lead me on level ground.
11 For your name’s sake, LORD, preserve my life;
in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble.
12 In your unfailing love, silence my enemies;
destroy all my foes,
for I am your servant.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Oh that we could always see, such spirit through the year...
Today I had something small happen to me, and it may seem a little like I'm blowing my own horn, but I wanted to share this not for that reason, but for that sentiment expressed in that beautiful song "Christmastime is Here".
I love Christmas, its flat out my favorite season of the year. Snow or no snow, I still love it, and all the magicalness and good feelings, and kindness associated with it. Christmas is that season of giving, and of generosity and benevolence and light-hearted child spirited'ness.
Anyways, I was working today, and off on my lunch break. I stopped at Arby's to get a meal. My car that I was driving I couldn't roll the driver window down...so I had to go inside to order. As I was waiting around in line, I noticed the guy ordering at the counter. He was an old guy, with a cane, and very slow. He took a long time to order, and walked away from the counter with his food tray shaking, because his hands could not steady. He walked past me to the drink counter behind, and I lost sight and he went out of my mind as I continued to wait impatiently in line.
Suddenly I heard a crash, I turned around, and saw that the old man, while trying to fill his drink, had dropped his tray of food on the ground. And he couldn't even bend over to grab it, just stood there with what seemed a frustrated look.
A few people where standing around, and saw, and the Arby employees did too from behind the counter, but they didn't say anything, and no one moved. I almost didn't, and then a split second later I realized how mean that was to think. So I grabbed his tray. Most of his food was still wrapped safely in the paper, which I handed back to him. He had a cherry slice of pie or something that hit the ground though. He mumbled a thanks and took his meal away, and I threw the cherry thing out.
Then I thought, hey that poor guy lost his desert, I should buy him something. Only I forgot what it was he dropped (thought it was a apple slice) So I ordered an apple slice, and got a sliced apple...but I figured he would enjoy it regardless. I went over to his table and gave him the apple. He asked me what it was for, and I said, oh you lost your slice, I thought you might like this. Then I said the silliest thing ever before running out the door. I said 'Merry Christmas'. It just sort of popped into my head, because I felt like I was giving him a present.
And a smile popped on his face as he mumbled another thanks, and when I drove by the window out of the parking lot, I could see him through it, sitting there and eating an apple slice.
And I went away smiling to work. Because I got an opportunity to help and cheer someone up. I know its trivial, but you know, one thing that goes to a guys heart is food, I'll be honest. It may sound silly, but loosing a portion of your meal, is a big deal. And man who knows what that old guy may have been going through at his point in life. He was alone by himself, and very old, slow, tired. He could have seen many of his friends already gone before him, maybe bitter with the loss of youth, or lost a grandchild or spouse. I don't know. But I was able to make that guy smile, and it felt like Christmas.
And that moment, that being able to help someone else, being able to put a smile on their face, being able to lift people up out of depression, that's what I live for, that's one of my purposes, that's what wakes me up.
And Christmas is just full of those opportunities, but its not just for Dec 1st to Dec 25th. Its like the song...Oh that we could ALWAYS see such spirit through the year!
I love Christmas, its flat out my favorite season of the year. Snow or no snow, I still love it, and all the magicalness and good feelings, and kindness associated with it. Christmas is that season of giving, and of generosity and benevolence and light-hearted child spirited'ness.
Anyways, I was working today, and off on my lunch break. I stopped at Arby's to get a meal. My car that I was driving I couldn't roll the driver window down...so I had to go inside to order. As I was waiting around in line, I noticed the guy ordering at the counter. He was an old guy, with a cane, and very slow. He took a long time to order, and walked away from the counter with his food tray shaking, because his hands could not steady. He walked past me to the drink counter behind, and I lost sight and he went out of my mind as I continued to wait impatiently in line.
Suddenly I heard a crash, I turned around, and saw that the old man, while trying to fill his drink, had dropped his tray of food on the ground. And he couldn't even bend over to grab it, just stood there with what seemed a frustrated look.
A few people where standing around, and saw, and the Arby employees did too from behind the counter, but they didn't say anything, and no one moved. I almost didn't, and then a split second later I realized how mean that was to think. So I grabbed his tray. Most of his food was still wrapped safely in the paper, which I handed back to him. He had a cherry slice of pie or something that hit the ground though. He mumbled a thanks and took his meal away, and I threw the cherry thing out.
Then I thought, hey that poor guy lost his desert, I should buy him something. Only I forgot what it was he dropped (thought it was a apple slice) So I ordered an apple slice, and got a sliced apple...but I figured he would enjoy it regardless. I went over to his table and gave him the apple. He asked me what it was for, and I said, oh you lost your slice, I thought you might like this. Then I said the silliest thing ever before running out the door. I said 'Merry Christmas'. It just sort of popped into my head, because I felt like I was giving him a present.
And a smile popped on his face as he mumbled another thanks, and when I drove by the window out of the parking lot, I could see him through it, sitting there and eating an apple slice.
And I went away smiling to work. Because I got an opportunity to help and cheer someone up. I know its trivial, but you know, one thing that goes to a guys heart is food, I'll be honest. It may sound silly, but loosing a portion of your meal, is a big deal. And man who knows what that old guy may have been going through at his point in life. He was alone by himself, and very old, slow, tired. He could have seen many of his friends already gone before him, maybe bitter with the loss of youth, or lost a grandchild or spouse. I don't know. But I was able to make that guy smile, and it felt like Christmas.
And that moment, that being able to help someone else, being able to put a smile on their face, being able to lift people up out of depression, that's what I live for, that's one of my purposes, that's what wakes me up.
And Christmas is just full of those opportunities, but its not just for Dec 1st to Dec 25th. Its like the song...Oh that we could ALWAYS see such spirit through the year!
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